Can you be friends with your ex?

It is funny because I started this blog months ago but never got around to finishing it. This is something my best friend and I go back and forth about all the time and I try to play both sides of it, while she is adamant that you can not be friends with your ex.

Is it possible to be friends with your ex especially if this is someone you were intimate with. From my experiences I have been able to be friends with people I have been involved with. I normally avoid ugly break ups and I keep moving on with my life. There was clearly a reason that I got involved with that person so why just throw that away.

When I was writing this I never thought about the perspective of the new girlfriend or boyfriend. Recently I went to a party and I was introduced to my ex boyfriend's new girlfriend. While I was happy to meet her and I said hi and everything this girl said nothing and proceeded to mug me to my face. To say the least I was shocked by this behavior. I didn't get it. While my girls all laughed at her immaturity I really started to think. If this had been a few years ago I would have said something nasty and probably made a scene. I could have gotten real ignorant and proclaimed to the world that I did not want her man and asked what the hell was her problem. Instead I felt for her. I put myself in her shoes and looked at how I would feel being her. She knows all about our past and it clearly bothered her. The thing is though at the end of the day its exactly that. OUR PAST. Neither of us is trying to rekindle anything.

I now know that it kills her to know that we still keep in touch. That it eats her up inside when we contact one another and watching her attempts to make sure I am aware she is in the picture. I have been there but I would never act a fool especially in front of people. I guess that is a big part of growing up and facing reality.

So this still leads me to my original question. Can you be friends with your ex? I guess the real answer is that you have to take every ones feelings into consideration. It depends on the circumstances. It depends on the history and the foundation of the friendship to begin with. It depends on if its really worth it to to know how uncomfortable it can be. All of those things play a part in if you can be friends with your ex.

When is it time to let go?

When you are in a relationship with someone you go through that newlywed stage. The time when everything is perfect and they can do no wrong. Unfortunately this normally passes and at some point your relationship comes to an end. The breakup can be for various reasons. Maybe you weren't compatible. Or you realized there were things you could never live with. Perhaps its was just the circumstances. Nonetheless, the relationship was over. Well why is it that so often after a breakup there is a long period of time before you really let go?

Any Sex in the City fan will remember from the movie the rule of how long you have to get over a relationship. It is exactly half of the time of the relationship. Anything above that is really ridiculous. If you were with someone for a year it shouldn't take you two to get over them. I was in a 5 year relationship and it took a year and a half to let go. Our breakup was mutual and something we both knew needed to happen. Sure there were times I still wanted to be with him and that we acted like we were still together but the reality of it was that we were broken up. I wasn't his girl and he wasn't my man.

Now there are some dudes that don't know how to let go, but for the most part they have enough sense to keep that under wraps. Girls are not as bright. Instead we walk around looking like we have lost everything in the world. We tell any and everyone who will listen our story and then we make the terrible mistake of calling or trying to get your ex back. I have wondered where the good men are and if these were good men that women were trying to hold on to I would get it. That isn't always the case. They can be cheaters, liars and a ton of other bad things but still females hold on. When it is a good guy you probably did some crazy shit and that is why he rolled out or he just realized you didn't have everything he wanted in his significant other. While its hard to accept, if someone walks away from you why are you trying to hold on so much? It takes two people to make something work and if its only 1 person you are screwed.

In that time that a girl still has not let go, she begins to do some irrational things. For example, getting upset that your homegirl commented on something your ex said. Why are you tripping and worried about who he is talking to? Especially when the other party has moved on. Another example, someone breaks up with you but the two of you still act like you are together. You have to know that there is no real reason for them to get back with you. They have the benefits of a relationship without the responsibility. As I stated above I can speak from experience about this. All this does is drag out the inevitable. Sex will not keep someone nor will buying them shit. Finally, once you are no longer with someone you have zero jurisdiction. You can't govern anything that they do or with whom they do it. Cut your losses and move on. Unless things ended horribly you should hope for the best for that person and try to find someone else to give you the happiness you deserve.

In ending letting go can be hard but it is a part of life. Hang out with your friends and family. Don't mope and bring up the past any chance you have. Look towards the future and keep positive thoughts. Before you know it you will have moved on to a new chapter in your life with someone else.

Role Models

Today I was watching the Tyra Banks Show and the topic was young girls who are trying to get married. There was this girl who was 15, engaged and taking hormones to enhance her chances of getting pregnant. When asked who her role model was she stated Jamie Lynn Spears. She spoke about how Jamie Lynn was a young mother and she wanted to be just like her. As expected the whole audience was shocked by everything coming out of this girl's mouth. The part that really stood out to me was her role model. What is wrong with kids today?

When I think of my role model as a kid, I always thought of my mother. She is a strong black woman who for the most part raised 4 children on her own. We never knew if times were hard and always had more than enough. My mother instilled strong morals in all of us and a lot of confidence. (Probably too much because anyone who knows me or my brothers we think we are God's gift to the world.) Anyways my mother was there for all the good times and the bad times. She made sure we were a priority in her life and supported us in anything we wanted to do.

I don't have a problem with kids looking to celebrities for someone to view as a role model. I do have a problem with them picking people who are not really making any positive strides but are famous for being stupid, partying or getting locked up. There are so many positive people making a difference in the world and unfortunately young kids these days aren't worried about that. This is our future and I swear everyday it get worse and worse.

Colin Powell is endorsing Barack Obama!!!

So today Colin Powell has officially stated that he is endorsing Barack Obama. This is huge because Colin Powell is a Republican and worked under President Bush for 4 years as the Secretary of State. He has had the opportunity to work with McCain and Obama over many years. Colin stated he doesn't think that Sarah Palin is ready to be president (much like the rest of the world) and that he has to question some of McCain's tactics and judgement. Mr. Powell also had points to make about Obama not being perfect but feeling that he would be a better President for our country. This just warms my heart. I have included the link to Colin Powell's interview on Meet the Press. Please watch this. We are getting into the home stretch people and we need to know the facts.

Why ask?

There use to be a time when none of my girls would come to me with their problems. I was very self absorbed and I thought my problems were the only ones that existed. As I got older I got over myself and became a go to person. I appreciated the fact that my girls felt they could come to me and that they cared what I thought. More and more I realized that wasn't the case. A lot of times they just needed to vent or share their thoughts. They didn't care about the resolution I provided or what I thought was in their best interest.

I learned this the hard way. Of course most of the problems your girls come to you with are about the men in their lives. One week 4 of my girls came to me and I swear they all were dealing with some dumb shit. Things that if I was them I wouldn't tolerate but apparently that is the cancer zodiac sign in me that lowers my level of patience for bs. The situations ranged from "he hit me" to "why won't he take me back." To protect the innocent I am not going to put anyone on blast but really I was annoyed, frustrated and pissed all at the same time. All of my girls are smart and beautiful women who can have anyone they want. Instead they get stuck on one guy and don't know how to let go. Then they just spend so much time crying and trying to fix it. Clearly things are always easier to decipher when you are sitting on the sideline but if people are trying to open your eyes why are you so against it?

So if you don't want my opinion and you already have your mind set on what you are going to do DON'T ASK. Just say I need to vent and need someone to listen. I am a good listener and if thats all you want I got you. There is no reason for me to waste my breath. Trust me I could spend that energy talking about other things.

If they cheat on you like they did to them, do you deserve it?

So they say what goes around comes around right? So let me paint a scenario for you. If you start talking to someone and find out they have a significant other, the proper thing to do would be to fall back, right?. Well instead of running in the opposite direction you continue to deal with this person. You wait for things to fall apart with them and their boyfriend or girlfriend all the while you are still there. It finally happens and you are now the object of that persons affection. Could you really look at them and feel confident that they wouldn't cheat on you? Especially since you knew about the prior relationship and still pursued this person?

We have all heard the excuses for cheating. "They never have time for me." "I don't have the same feelings I use to." "They aren't giving me everything I need." Regardless of what the reason is the person still cheated. Instead of ending their relationship they decided to keep it up and have fun on the side. With that being said, if you have cheated on one person does that mean you are bound to always cheat? Is the saying once a cheater always a cheater right? Or does it mean that the person hadn't find the one?

Back to the person who was on the side. If they get cheated on do they deserve it? They know this person is capable of cheating so what makes them think they wouldn't be lied to or cheat on? Sure when you care about someone you want to believe they will never do anything to hurt you but the truth of the matter is people are human. There is temptation around every corner and the love you have for someone may not be enough to make them do the right thing. Especially since they have fallen for the forbidden fruit before. Maybe things will be peachy keen and the cheating and lying won't ever be a problem. That could just be wishful thinking though.

So I am asking all my followers, please share you thoughts on this. Note I kept this gender free because I think men and women alike can cheat or be the person on the side. Holla.

Where are all the good men?

I am going to start off by saying that this started out as 2 blogs but at the last minute I decided to combine my thoughts into one. This was to avoid any overlap.

I am an equal opportunity dater. I have dated various men with different ethnic backgrounds. At first I could say that it didn't have anything to do with race but as I got older that changed. My boys have heard me say that I am over black men. They have drama and they come with too many issues. Plus they are grimy, liars and are always out to do you wrong. Before I go any further I am in no means a bitter black woman. To be honest I have only been wronged by 1 black guy but I was young and stupid. Most of the drama that I had I brought on myself.

Like I was saying I haven't been wronged (or at least not that I know of) but I have had to listen to the stories. The stories from my girls who as I sit back and listen, I wonder what the hell is wrong with you? If he is cheating why are you taking him back? Or his baby's mama is always calling him and it isn't about their son why are you dealing? Or he hit you and you really believe he won't do it again? These are just a few of the heartbreaking stories that I have heard and sadly they all involved black men. I am well aware that it could be any man but normally its black men who are involved. I know its not all black men. Or even all men for that matter. There are some good men out there but its a very small percentage. For this reason most men get a bad rap. How often have you had to pay for the mistakes that the last man made?

Anyways for a while I just wanted to date white men. I wanted as far away from the black guys that I knew and had dated. That was all that I was attracted to and they were attracted to me. Or at least it would appear that they were. They would talk the talk and do the things that I wanted them to do. At the end of the day I would wonder though. Is this just a fascination to see how things are with a black woman? Of the white guys that I have dealt with only one of them had ever talked to a black woman before. So I felt as though I had a lot of weight on my shoulders. It was almost like I had to represent for all of us instead of just being me. I did not have any problems with them that I mentioned above. Instead I have dealt with the alcoholic, the chronic partier, the guy who is too needy and then the white guy who thinks he should have been black. Just a few of the issues. Not to mention the added stress of dating outside your race and everything that goes with it.

So this leads me to ask where is this small percentage of good men? Whether it be black, white or purple. The few that know how to treat a woman right? That may have flaws but not to the extremes above? The men who are motivated and doing things with their lives. The men who have morals, opinions and understand the word respect. Please note that I have not said anything about looks, money, status or anything like that. All of that is irrelevant. Is it because they are a hot commodity they manage to continue to play the field because they know they can? Or that they turn into the grimy men above because so many women are desperate for a chance? The guy who is kicking the same lines to various women and they are all falling for it. So I ask again, where are all the good men?

Mixed Signals

Friday night I went out to this spot in Baltimore. It was nice, the music was bumping, the drinks were flowing and of course I am looking good. So I get there and I start dancing because its been a while. Then it happened. Out of nowhere this guy was trying to grind on me. Maybe I missed the signal that I threw out there but that was not what I wanted. That night was strictly about having fun with the girls.

So I pose this question. As women when we go out and we are definitely on our game does that mean we are setting ourselves up for unwanted attention? What happened to you can look but you can't touch? Just because I take the time to make sure I look good and I give off sexiness it doesn't mean that I want some random guy on me. I am not looking for anyone at a club especially in Baltimore.

To avoid this what can I do? If I kindly move away the guys don't always get the hint. If I am rude about it then I might get snatched up or called something inappropriate. Do I just have to go out to the bar looking busted so that no one will be in my face? Thoughts....

Message in a bottle

On occassion I write poetry. From time to time I will post some of the pieces I have written on my blog. The poem below is straight from the heart. Just driving home from work I was thinking. Those are my thoughts raw and just real. I hope you enjoy. If not, well forget you. JK.




Baby it all happened so fast. Unexpectedly you were this new force in my life.
The time we spent together was so sweet. How fast time flies by.

How could it feel so right? So natural. Don't stop holding me. I need your lips on me. All over me. Those soft lips that turn into the sexiest smile.

You are my friend. My lover. The person who pushes me when I want to stop.

Happiness. Sadness. Frustration. What emotion haven't you made me feel? The good and the bad I still want you.

I love you.

Kisses.

Sex.. the good, the bad, and the ugly

Sex can be a beautiful thing between two people. A chance to really connect and show how you feel for one another. It can be slow and passionate or fast and rough. Either way it is normally looked at as a great stress reliever and a good workout. (Cardio is an excellent way to stay fit people). Anyways what happens when the sex just isn't good? How many times have you had sex with someone and you didn't come? What if it was a bad experience and you wished you could block it out? Would you tell the person or would you just take the L? Does that depend on how close you are to that person?








I can speak from experience that I would let someone know that they sucked in bed.

When I was in college I had sex with this guy. The whole thing probably lasted 30 seconds and I swear it was like 3 strokes and he was done. The oral wasn't even good enough to make up for this poor sexual experience. Needless to say I was pissed and nowhere near satisfied. I was ready to just take the loss and know that I had wasted a number in my list of sexual partners. (Females you know how much we hate that.. especially if you are still in the single digits. We don't want to add a number to our list and have it be a bust) Sorry.. I digressed. Back to the story. So this fool rolled over and smiled like "yeah I just gave it to you". At that point I was livid and I couldn't hold it in. I asked him, "Do you think you just did something good right there?" He was shocked. Not thinking about how harsh the words coming out of my mouth were I just continued. My words verbatim were "This was definitely a waste of my time and I could have been in my room doing my international studies homework. This was the worst experience of my life and I can't believe how quickly you came. Have you ever had sex before?" He said something along the lines of getting another chance and that he didn't believe it was bad. I said "Were you here? Did you miss what didn't happen? I don't make the same mistake twice." I promptly got dressed and rolled out.

Then I proceeded to tell all my girls how terrible it was. So not only did I rain on this fool's parade, I then told every female that I was cool with how awful it was. He was a walking joke. At the time I felt I was justified because it was so awful and I was mad. Looking back it shows my immaturity and how badly I handled the situation. I still think telling him was the way to go but not the way I did it. I wouldn't want anyone else to experience what I did (or didn't for that matter). If you aren't mature enough to have conversations with that person about what you like and don't like then you shouldn't be having sex. That's the bottom line.

I can say that I did end up giving him another chance. Let me tell you it was great. I am sure it had something to do with him trying to prove that he wasn't horrible so he wanted to make sure that I was satisfied completely.

Females and Sunday Football

Its a common misconception that females hate sports especially football. Now that isn't the case for all females. Speaking for myself I have been a die hard Dallas Cowboys fan since I was 9 years old. When "The Triplets" were a force to be reckoned with. I saw them win 3 Superbowls and enjoyed watching them dominate the Deadskins as well as many other teams. I wore my Starter jacket with pride and even when my boys lost I still stood tall. I grew up with brothers, guy friends and male cousins. So I could play Madden with my eyes shut and still kick some of their butts. I can't say that I know everything there is to know about football but I know enough.

That is the point. Most females don't like football and hate Sundays because they don't know. No one took the time to explain anything to them. All they can go off of is it takes over Sundays and they don't get attention. Sure some women will play the role of watching and pretending to care what is going on but deep down they are pissed. Then they just count down until you will watch that chick flick she has been waiting to see because she did what you wanted. If you explained football and the rules, positions, etc maybe more females would be willing to enjoy this Sunday pastime.

Just some food for thought..

Wake up

Unless you have been living under a rock you are well aware that we are in an election year. So a lot of things that happen everyday are under a microscope. As usual the pro-life and pro-choice debate has come into play. The republican vp candidate Sarah Palin is for life. She thinks the only time an abortion should be allowed is if the mothers life is in danger. When it comes to the morning after pill she is against it 100%. Now I can't really say where I stand with abortions. Thankfully I have never been in the situation where I had to make that decision but I know that I should be able to make that decision myself. Not the government or someone who doesn't know me. Especially if it was an extreme reason like I was raped or an incestuous situation. Would I really want a constant reminder of what happened to me? Once again I can't really say what I would do but I do not want someone else taking that choice away from me.

When it comes to the morning after pill I have used it. Things happen and while I wasn't responsible the night before I knew enough to get it together the next morning. This all leads me to the point of my blog. In this day and age there are so many birth control options. Why are women frequently finding themselves in situations where they are having unwanted pregnancies. It can't be cost because there are so many programs that will give you birth control if you can't afford it. Plus the last time I checked you can go any clinic and get condoms for free. I know this may seem a little crazy but what about the thought of just not having sex. Abstinence isn't a bad word. Its ok.

I am not going to explain all the various types of birth control that are available but the link below can.

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control-4211.htm


I have been on the 3 different variations of the pill, the patch, and depo. Not because I love putting hormones in my body. I do it because I know that I am not ready to bring a child into this crazy world yet. I am doing the responsible thing and others should do the same. At least this way if the things ever changed and the option of an abortion or the morning after pill was taken away I know that I took preventative measures.

Is he out there?

Have you ever wondered how you know when you are in love with someone? How do you know this is the person that you can and want to spend the rest of your life with? Love is not something to be taken lightly. So often people toss that word around without thinking about the impact it can have on another person. Love requires time, patience and understanding amongst other things. I wish I had a crystal ball and I could just look into the future and know what is going to happen. Instead of playing out scenarios in my mind and wishing they come true.

Back to this love thing. What makes you love someone? Is it because of their sparkling personality. Or that because just seeing them makes you smile. Or when they touch you its the best feeling in the world. Along with those good things you have to realize that person is not perfect. They are going to make mistakes. You have to either accept them for who they are or leave it alone. There is no in between. You can't try to use those faults against them. If you really love someone you will be honest with them even when you don't want to be. You will always have their back and at times you will put their happiness above your own.

I have been in love one time in my life. I spent a good 5 years of my life loving that person and thinking they were the one. As much as I loved him, I was scared. Scared because I was very young and still growing into the woman that I am now. Some of those things that I said above I would do. I would bring up old things that should have been in the past and I would make him pay for the wrongdoings that other boys had done. Unfortunately it wasn't meant to be for us but our relationship didn't end on bad terms. He still has a place in my heart and I will always love him. When it was clear that we needed to call it quits a part of me wanted to hold on. In fear that I wouldn't find that same love again. That I wouldn't have that person who knew me inside and out. Who could hold me and touch me in just the right way. This person who knew the right things to say and could make everything seem better. So does it mean that I was wrong when I thought I loved him or does it just mean he wasn't the one?

I have only told one other person after my ex that I loved them. No... I was not in love with that person but my love was real just the same. He made me want to be a better person. He opened my eyes to so many things and for that I will always be grateful. Being with him was out of this world. I could just be in his arms for hours and be fine with that. I could talk to him about any and everything. He had me open and if given the chance I probably would have given him my heart. Don't get me wrong though it wasn't all candy and gumdrops. No matter how much I wanted to be with him and wanted him to be my man bigger forces were against it. Sure anything you really want isn't going to be easy. If you have those trials and tribulations and you can make it that's all that matters. What happens though if you are the only person who wants it though? How silly and alone will you feel? Is that person going to be there to listen when you need someone to make it better and to wipe your tears away? You can think about the good times but it will only get you so far. Sitting here I look back and I feel foolish. Foolish because I wonder if I cared a lot more than I should have. Was it a big joke on me? Who knows.

As I am typing on my laptop on this fine Sunday afternoon I wonder. Is he out there? The person that I am going to love and be in love with? That will accept me for who I am and complement me. The person who will make me feel like everything is going to be ok. He will do whatever it takes to be with me because that is how much he cares and it would just be about us. I can only sit back and wonder.

5 lies that MEN tell

So my boy Mr. Jet Setter himself recently spoke to the 5 lies that women tell. While I could see some of those points, it sparked my interest to talk to the lies that men tell. Trust me there are definitely more than 5 and I could go on for days but I will only speak to 5 of them. If you have comments or thoughts on other lies go ahead and blog away or comment on this blog. Thanks.

So lie #1: I love you

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that anytime a guy says that he loves you he is lying to you. Its not that simple. You do need to look at the context and timing of this so called love. Men normally aren’t big on sharing their feelings (not all but most) so if you are having a big fight and he is in the wrong then out of nowhere he loves you. Don’t get excited and rush to tell your girls. First of all you just got played. Its like you were playing poker and he got the ace on the river that he needed for his royal flush. (Yup I stay on my poker game too) Secondly, loving someone and being in love with someone are two separate things. (That blog is coming soon if you need clarification.) Anyways if your man is telling you he loves you whenever things are bad or just tossing it around all willy nilly then you should only take it for a grain of salt. Or if he isn't your man and you are questioning if you should sleep with him. Then all of a sudden its "baby I love you." Don't be stupid.

He can love you but when you love someone your actions will speak louder than words. He is ready to do things that he wouldn’t do before. He will put your wants and needs above his own. It won’t always be about sports, his boys and anything else that interest him. No he shouldn’t be your little bitch but if someone really loves you and especially if they are IN love with you its very clear.

Look at the big picture and your relationship. Don’t let the words you are hearing cloud your judgement.

Lie #2: I will leave her for you

Now ladies before I even touch this one if you are the other woman you should be taking a long look in the mirror. Are you secure? Do you have respect for yourself? Do you understand that he is a shady character because he is supposedly committed to someone else but talking to you? While you think about that I will explain.

If a guy is cheating on his current girl with you what makes you think he would leave her for you? He has the best of both worlds. He has his main girl that he is with who is clueless to his shit and thinks he is great. Then he has the sideboo who is aware of the situation and appears to be ok with it. Why would he need to leave that? He has his cake and is eating that shit with a glass of milk. There would never be a reason for him to walk away from this “perfect situation”. He will always make excuses for why the timing is wrong to tell her and to just wait. Now really when is that perfect timing going to be? If she wakes up and realizes things are bad? Maybe.. But at that time you might just be the rebound girl. Which is almost worst than when you were the sideboo.

So he tells you he loves you and that he wants to be with you. If this was true he would make it happen. (Please refer to lie #1.) If you care about someone and you want to be with them you will do what you have to do. If so much time has passed and you are just waiting and waiting then stop. You aren’t getting any younger and you are probably letting good men pass you by. You can do better than a cheater who if he was with you would probably screw you over too.

Final thought on this though. If you are the sideboo and you are ok with it then more power to you. Just keep in mind that it will probably never be anything more than sex. Regardless how great you think it is.

Lie #3 :I will call or be home in a few mins

I don’t know what it is but men have the worst sense of time. It never fails. If they say they will call you in 5 mins it will be no less than 20. If they say they will be home in 15 don’t hold your breath. Its inevitable that something will pop up. Maybe they are at their boys house watching the game and then it went into OT. They can’t leave then. Or another friend showed up at Jimmy’s house and he hadn’t seen him in years. Men are like women…they like to talk and gossip. Maybe not to our extreme but it happens.

Either way it happens and maybe they don't mean to do it but be prepared.

Lie #4: I don't think you are fat or that outfit is ugly

This lie I can see why men do it. If you have gained some weight and he told you baby you put on some pounds how would you feel? Crushed. We don’t really want them to agree that yes those jeans that use to hug your ass just right are now squeezing your thighs and cheeks together and it looks like you are about to explode. Nope that is the last thing we want to hear. So why set them up? Just to get some reassurance. Most men have gotten hip to this. So when posed with the how do I look or do I need to go to the gym question they are on it. That’s when you hear the baby you are fine or I like you just the way you are.
Ladies if you know you have picked up some weight and you feel its an issue then go workout. Do some cardio, lift some weights, even walk a bit. It will make you feel better and then you can say I know I look good.

As far as outfits men don’t always have the same sense of fashion. They could think you are fine in a tshirt and flip flops. Why ask them? Call one of your girls or stop buying questionable items that you have to worry if they look out. You are grown and you know what looks good and what doesn’t.

Finally lie #5: I don't care if you go to the strip club.

Now this is a touchy subject because it can go both ways. I know many women who would be pissed if their man went to a strip club. The only time they get a pass is when they are going for their bachelor party and even then its suspect. Personally I could careless if you go to the strip club. Its not a big deal and I might even be in support of us going together. On that same note I wouldn't want to go to a male strip club. It disgusting and I don't really want anyone flinging their stuff in my face.

I am getting off track. Back to the lie. Now anyways most guys may say they don't care if their girl goes to a strip club. There are two reasons for this. One, they are hoping it gives them a free pass to go to the strip club whenever they want. Two, they know that most women aren't really excited about the strip club and probably won't go. So it won't be a problem. I polled my guy friends and they confirmed this. They don't want their girl going to the strip club but they think its ok for them to go to a female strip club.

Some of the comments they made about the male strip club are that the male strippers can do whatever they want. That the women can touch the strippers Johnson and how the male strippers pick of females and grind on them. Now all of that is disgusting to me but its how men feel about the situation. So instead of saying that is how you think its ok for your girl to go tell her the truth. Then you won't be salty when she plans a trip with her girls.

Men can be insecure just like women. The only difference is that women are more likely to show it.

So bottom line both men and women lie. Not cool but it happens. Trust when I say this is only 5 of the typical lies that men tell. There are many more but I don't have time to just sit here and list them all.

Lying

So today while I was out shopping (I know surprise surprise) I saw a shirt that made me think. It said "To be honest... I'm a liar". True story.. please see the picture below. Anyways it made me really think. How often do we lie and for what reason. Lies can range from little white lies that seem harmless to huge drawn out stories. Stories so detailed and indepth that the person telling them starts to believe it.



You've heard the justifications for lying. "I was embarrassed." "I didn't want to get in trouble." "I didn't want to hurt your feelings." "I can't help it I am a liar." In no means is it ok but it happens. Lies make the world go around and how freaking pathetic is that. In my opinion lying is for bitches. It is never ok. You can try to tell yourself that you had to or it was in the best interest for everyone but really its not. The truth is you didn't want to deal with whatever could come from you being honest.

I can't sit here and say that I have never lied. Am I proud of it.. hell no. I really felt it is necessary at the time. As I write that I wonder well is it really necessary. Maybe I should have manned up or I shouldn't have done shit that I would have to lie about later.

We have all told little lies to our parents, our bosses or our teachers. Let's look at some lies that people tell.

I know this guy who wanted to party with his friends but he has a night job. So in anticipation of calling out the next day he proceeded to act sick at work the night before. He played it so well that he actually thought he was sick. Of course the next day he called out and was able to party it up. Now was anyone hurt by this lie? Well his job was probably short staffed and other people had to pick up the slack but he was able to have fun. This wasn't a last minute dinner that came up. He knew in advance but didn't try to change his schedule or find anyone to cover for him. It didn't matter because he just wanted to put his fun first.

When you are a kid and you didn't do your homework what elaborate stories did you make up to tell your teacher? My dog ate it. My grandmother died. I fell in a ravine. Why the hell didn't we just do our work. Or say I forgot. Or that you didn't feel like doing it because you were watching Power Rangers and didn't care about doing math. That would be some real shit. Instead we took the time to create a lie so that we didn't get in trouble. Sadly our teachers knew we were lying and at the end of the day we were screwing ourselves.

There are times that lies we tell we feel are in the best interest of others. That can be telling your friend her hair doesn't look bad when she looks like who shot John. Or that the outfit she is in love with is cute when you wouldn't be caught dead in it. Or when you tell lies to your significant other to avoid a fight or drama. Are these lies ok? What do you think? (The right answer is no.) If your girl looks set up and you are out with her that isn't cool. Tell her that she looks a mess.. she might get upset but she will thank you later. Now in relationships lies can just be the whole "I am not mad when you are super pissed and you want to punch that person in the throat" or they can be extreme. See the example below.

Say you are in a relationship with someone and you are kicking that good shit to them all the time. You are saying all the I love yous in the world but at the same time you are banging someone else. Can you really be in love with that person? FUCK NO. Are you being pretty selfish and sketchy? Absolutely. If asked about it would you adamantly say "baby I would never cheat on you or do anything to hurt you"? Pretty sure you would. That is another one of those lies that is just ridiculous. How much time does it take to sneak around and do shit? That's when you don't need to be in a relationship and just need to do your own thing. You wouldn't have to worry about hurting that person with your lies because you wouldn't be with them. If they found out how hurt would they be then? How often would they question everything you ever told them?

For me honesty has always been huge. Its one of those things that I hold my friends to a high standard for and myself. You only have your word and if you can't be trusted then really what do you have? Recently I have been lying big time and it just makes me sick to my stomach. Is it to the point where I believe the lies.. not at all. When I hear the words coming out of my mouth though I really wonder what the fuck are you doing? Just be honest and deal with the consequences. I am a grown ass woman and even still I will and have done stupid shit. Can I really judge or get mad at anyone for being dishonest when I am living a lie? If people want to tell me that they saw that purple pig or that they aren't dating someone when I know they are can I get upset? Maybe I should just accept that they are liars and keep it moving.

On an ending note, peep this quote from our sixteenth president Abraham Lincoln. "No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar." That's some real shit. You will eventually mess up, your credibility will be shot and people will always have a place in the back of their mind were they wonder if you are lying right now.